There is a hole in my heart. I did something I never thought I would. I blocked someone really close on Google Hangout. It seems such an extreme reaction by my own standards and frankly is difficult for me to comprehend, let alone explain. It breaks my heart more than I would like to acknowledge. However, I am mostly convinced that it had to be done.
Let me explain. Have you ever heard of friendship in which the other person doesn’t share any details of his/her life? Most likely the answer is no. In spite of odds supposing you do form some kind of relationship mainly because the other person is dishing out lies about his life. Can this friendship survive once you realise that the other person was lying all the time?
Something like this happened with me. I formed a close relationship with a person in a different city. We spent countless hours talking and chatting on phone. The conversations ranged from likes, dislikes, habits…but yes, I was obviously sharing much more than he was. Normal way relationships are formed on mobile…connected all the time. I had some basic details like location, ethnicity etc but frankly nothing more. I was, and I guess I still am to an extent, extremely attached with him.
But then I inadvertently discovered something which shocked me but frankly it didn’t bother me much because it didn’t seem like a breach of trust or anything even close. It was just something that the person had decided not to reveal. But here comes the twist, he discovers that I know and just is unable to talk properly to me. I feel insulted but even so try to save the friendship from total breakdown. I have to say that this person also tries but without accepting that it is impossible to save without sharing at least something…it just cannot be one way road in any friendship. Here I would be lying if I didn’t say that increasingly I found it tough to share about my life when there is total blockage from the other side.
Here goes a snapshot of conversation in the fag end of the “friendship”:
“Hey, how’s you?”
“Usual…everything is awesome blossom.
“I will be traveling this weekend.”
“Okay…for business or personal?”
“It is something. But you tell me did you finish that big assignment which you had got some time back?”
This was the usual communication and it was just becoming more and more painful to continue like this. At a very basic level, I felt insulted. I don’t know whether what I did was right or wrong but I genuinely feel I tried my best and didn’t see any other option but to walk out.
I miss the never-ending and stimulating conversations, the time when I could talk without thinking, when my eyes broke into a smile at your very mention, when I looked forward to the phone calls, when I ended up working late at night because of two-hour long conversations during the talk…I miss you!!